Todays rant: Sprite Comics.

As stated before, I am a bit artistic. A while back I had stumbled upon a website by the name of DrunkDuck. It's one of, if not THE largest webcomic hosting sites on the web. They have everything from published comics, to adult comics, to horribly drawn comics with no plot. Since its free to join, create a comic, upload it, and display it to the world, there seems to be quite a lot of the latter there, but some of the better comics make up for this in the long run. But since this blog isn't exactly about "the best of the web", I feel I should warn you about the dark side of DrunkDuck, "Sprite Comics".

For those of you who don't know what a "Sprite Comic" is, imagine you give a 12 year old with the attention span of a gnat a bunch of pictures of some old video game. Now say he takes these pictures, loads them into Microsoft Paint, and makes slight variations, such as adding a pair of horns, or changing the colors of the character. This "artist" then arranges the badly modified pictures onto comic panels, usually with backgrounds from some random video game as well. Now, this with decent writing could be bearable, but 99% of the time, it seems like a brace of howler monkeys on a three week heroine binge could bang out a better story on a keyboard with only 10 keys. I shit you not people, the following text is ACTUALLY from a popular sprite comic on DrunkDuck.

Picture Mario from SNES, standing on a random platform, there is a boomerang Koopa on another platform to the right.

Mario: Ha ha, your trapped on that island!
Koopa: You made the boomerand brother mad!
Mario: You cant hit me a ha!
At this point it seems the Koopa throws his boomerang.
Koopa: Well you dont know my power. I am really strong!
The boomerang hits mario in the face.
Mario: ow!
Koopa: It's all in the wrist stupid. man Im good!
End Comic. Grammar, and spelling kept as it is in the comic.

I remind you, this excerpt is from one of DD's more popular "Sprite Comics", and received such praise as "Mario got PWNed! One of the better comics so far."

Another thing that irks my nerves to no end is how the "artist" always seems to think he owns the rights to his recolored rip-off of an already copyrighted video game character. On top of this, they seem to always post this "copyright" on EVERY FUCKING SINGLE COMIC, usually saying "original character, do not steal". HERE is an example of these "original" creations, note the horrible grammar, and abysmal spelling.

But DD is not all horrible, despite the thousands of sprite comics that make it their home, there are lots of really hilarious, off the wall, over the top, artistic, well written, or for lack of a better word, awesome comics hosted and updated constantly.

Covert's Picks:
Le Farce
Last Place Comics
Nadya
Shiny Things
The Wrong Hero
Fridge Pals
Crow Feathers

This has been another rant, brought to you by "For lack of a better blog...", I'm out.

-Covert

Todays rant: "Gurl Gamers"

Ok, so I have been a gamer since I was but a child. I started off with the Atari 2600, and have since owned every major console, with but a few exceptions. Having being raised as I was, my main entertainment was gaming throughout my upbringing. So if anyone knows whats it like to be considered a "gamer" its me.

and that brings me to today's argument: Gurl Gamers. That wasn't a typo, I call them that because there is a major difference between a "Gurl Gamer" and a Girl who happens to play games... Let me explain the difference that bothers me so much.

Nowadays, its not odd to find a girl who hapens to play games, they are almost as common as guys who do. But the modern "Gurl Gamer" is a cross hybrid between an attention whore and your everyday egotist. A "Gurl Gamer" takes advantage of the current "Geek = Chic" phase going on in the mass media by overtly displaying her immense love of games publicly. This usually isn't anything that would piss me off, but these girls take it to a whole new level.

Often, I find myself checking out a website about some new game, and see a self-proclaimed "Gurl Gamer". Suddenly, I catch myself chewing off my tongue to keep from screaming so loud that S.W.A.T. is called. They often like to take slutty pictures of themselves in "erotic" poses with various consoles that they seem to think makes them seem retro and cool such as the SNES. Any time that video games are mentioned, they seem to want to scream "OH MY GOOOOOOD, I LOOOOVE GAMES! I played Zelda, and Mario on the SNES when I was a kid! Yes, I know... A GIRL who PLAYS GAMES!". Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is, but it urks me to no end. I guess by their view, games are for guys only, but they can do it too, so that makes them hot and cool.

Let me lay this in perspective for you ladies... Lets say you are sitting around with your gal-pals, disgussing how you recently learned how to make some new cake, or cookie, or dinner (since, by your logic, a womans job is to cook, and stay out of a mans way), when all of a sudden I come bursting through the door, screaming "OH MY GOOOOOD, I LOOOOOVE COOKING! I can make instant noodles, Tuna salad, Jello no bake pies, and hot dogs! I KNOW! A GUY who CAN COOK!". So then, I run to the nearst supermarket, buy all the instant food I can find, Take a bunch of pictures of me naked with the boxes covering the naughtiest of bits, and post it online calling my self a "Guy Cook", all the while, utterly REFUSING to wear any t-shirt that isn't a microwavable food item.

And thats why I cant stand "Gurl Gamers". They, for lack of a better phrase, piss me off to no end. Remember guys, If she looks like this:
...Then she is a girl who just happens to play games.
But if she looks like this:
Then she is a "Gurl Gamer" and should be kicked in the cunt as hard as possible to ensure she fails to breed.

Once again this has been "For lack of a better blog...", feel free to get pissed and argue pointlessly in the comments section.

-Covert


EDIT: this was sent to me by a friend, explains them sooooooo well. click to see full size.