Okay, I'm sure you've all heard about the Twilight books, right? Your typical vampire/human romance with some werewolves thrown in. An overused cliche, but nothing too bad, right?
Wrong.
Meyer's books read like a bad fanfiction. So many one-line paragraphs, but that's more of a pet peeve of mine, really. The writing is all kinds of flowery and the structure is just horrible. I'd find examples, but I'm afraid I'll fry my eyes and or my brain by taking it all in.
The characters are all Mary-Sues/Gary-Stus, and you can't even connect to the main girl at all. As for the vampires themselves, instead of burning in the sunlight, they sparkle. Like diamonds. Fucking sparkling vampires. This makes them all automatically gay. And what the hell is with the name Renesmee? And the werewolf dude that apparently falls in love with this child? What the hell kind of rebound is that? "I LOVE THIS HUMAN WOMAN, BUT SHE LOVES GAY VAMPIRE BOY, SO I'LL LOVE HER HALFIE FREAK OF A CHILD WHO AGES UNNATURALLY FAST INSTEAD".
I mean, seriously. Wat.
And the movie. DEAR GOD, THE MOVIE. I've seen clips of it and it has got to be the worst acting I have EVER seen. The performances are all wooden, and the dialogue is shit. My favorite bit has got to be when Bella tells Edward how pale he is. First off, his skin is normal. You know, apart from the underlying diamonds that only show in the sun. Second off, get out in the sun once in a while yourself, stupid girl.
But that's not the worst bit, oh no. The worst bit has got to be the fans. Days before the movie was released, all everyone in my high school would talk about were the damn books and the damn movie. EVERYWHERE I TURNED, EVERYWHERE I WENT, IT WAS ALL TWILIGHT. I got to the point where I wanted to fucking tear my hair out until they freaking STOPPED. Or rather, shoot them all in the face until they stopped.
You wanna know the kinds of fans we're up against, people? http://uk.youtube.com/user/nuttymadam3575
And that's only one person. If you have been spared the hype, imagine a whole entire highschool filled with fans like that. Girls AND guys. Only more annoying and ALL AROUND YOU EVERY DAY.
Goddamn, I'm just gonna stop before I wanna kill something.
~Dragon
congrats you were born
3 days ago
lol Beautiful.
ReplyDelete'UHHHHAMAAAZING BUUUUK'
Did you like the HP books?
ReplyDeleteI'm steering clear of Twilight. Doesn't seem like it's offering me anything new or clever. Vampire fandoms seem to all be the same.
I actually like HP, yes. They're not GREAT, but you know.
ReplyDeleteAlso yes, stay faaar away from Twilight.
I was wondering if I made a rant if Convert would host it on his blog? Because that would be awesome.
ReplyDeleteIf not, then I could give him (or Dragon) ideas for rants.
I've successfully avoided those books. Angsty vampires are not my cup of tea. If you tell someone, "Oh, I'm reading," they automatically assume it's the Twilight series. *sigh*
ReplyDelete